The Vig Chron

If I have offended you, you're quite welcome.


I know I ranted about giving Caity a boot-up-the-ass when I talked to her next..but that didn't happen. I just got off the phone with her. I'm just feeling too subdued to give anyone a hard time, no matter how irritated I have been about the lack of communication of late. But as it stands, we will both soon be departing our native town so we might as well depart on a good note with one another. I have other things on my mind anyhow. Too many other things.

It's becoming increasingly difficult to control my moods and emotions and I'm becoming greatly irritated. Never can I remember having so much trouble with myself. I've always been good at pushing my feelings to the backburner and letting things roll. Mood was not really at the forefront of my vocabulary. Things have changed. One minute I'm happy, laughing, cracking jokes, feeling serene and socializing. The next, I'm inverted, apprehensive, negative, irritable, and completely disconnected. I get so easily agitated now. I cannot stand to be in my cubicle for more than ten minutes. I despise the people around me.

Sometime I adore my friends. I love their company and conversation...then I might completely dispise them and start daydreaming about kicking someone's ass. For no reason, mind you. I fear that I might snap at someone so I try my best to act cool and put my mind somewhere else, but that tactic is slowly becoming useless as I'm not finding many other places to go.

I refuse to take medication or talk to anyone about my feelings like some jacked up drama queen. Whatever it is, I'll get over it. I always did...this spell is just lasting longer than normal.

I think I need help, but I don't want help. I suppose that my inner self is trying to decide that for me. What I wouldn't give for some peace these days. Just pure, permanent silence.


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